My life 020506

it's 30 past 6 in the morning... and i just got home from doing some work... man am i killing my self... hooked-up the laptop and play good old piano blues... i can feel the soulful sadness of the melody sink into my system... i've been so busy most of the time that I hadn't felt my heart complaining... you know how it feels to be running so fast and then stoppping all of a sudden and your chest would be pumping tough... i wasn't trying to run away from the reality that inside, im in no condition to be strong... inside, im dying...

poker face is what most people would call it... for me, i'm just trying to live... see i thought i had found my home... my earthen vessel... the other part of the puzzle that would complete my life... the one to be there when all else should fail... but now i failed and there was no one... no one there to hold me and lift me up... so i made the decision to stand on my own... but why am i the only one stranded on the same ground...

My love, It's been a long time since i cried and left us out of my shoe...It's hard leaving you that way when I never wanted to....Self-denial is a game... It,s strange i never would’ve wanted

if i felt there was you.
Because i have learned that love is beyond what human can imagine...the more it clears... the more i have to let you go...
Coz i want a love who would hold me in gladness and i want a love who would

be with me in madness
and it's something that you wouldn't take... didn't want to take...

But now i don’t understand why im feeling so bad now when i know it was my idea. I could’ve just denied myself my pride. Now why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?

My love... because i have learned that love is a word gets thrown a little bit too much.

The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss I never have to...

if all else fail would you be there to love me?

When all else fail, would you be brave to see right through me?

But now i don’t understand why im feeling so bad now when i know it was my idea. I could’ve just denied myself my pride. Now why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?

if all else fail would you be there to love me?
When all else fail, would you be brave to see right through me?

~the weed