why...

you often wonder why things turn out so bad between the both you of you and no matter how you try it aint gettin better but instead gettin all the more down into the mud... sliding with every moment into a dirty tangle (or did mud-wrestling suddenly just popped in my mind)....

================================================

What's wrong with you, with us, what's happening to us? Ah our love is a harsh cord that binds us wounding us and if we want to leave our wound, to separate, it makes a new knot for us and condemns us to drain our blood and burn together.

What's wrong with you? I look at you and I find nothing in you but two eyes like all eyes, a mouth lost among a thousand mouths that I have kissed, more beautiful, a body just like those that have slipped beneath my body without leaving any memory.

And how empty you went through the world like a wheat-colored jar without air, without sound, without substance! I vainly sought in you depth for my arms that dig, without cease, beneath the earth: beneath your skin, beneath your eyes, nothing, beneath your double breast scarcely raised a current of crystalline order that does not know why it flows singing. Why, why, why, my love, why?

pablo's saddest poem...

let me put something here from a great weaver of words and feelings, a great poet... seen from pablo's eyes, our experiences, our longings, our sadness, our triumph...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Tonight i write the saddest poem.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's.
As she once belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

is this the saddest song?

Listning to Annie Lennox sing this melancholic song makes one stop and feel a lil bit more than the usual dose for the day... i'm jottin it down in a different way... my thoughts before the song...

when was the last time we embraced each other
so tightly that we thought we'd never part?
when was the last time we held our hands
so closely we can feel the beating of each others heart?

we look at each other through different eyes
in shades of blue and tints of gray
just like two strangers meeting on a station
in an early cloudy, chilly day...

inside my heart i ask you a question,
a question that i've been dreading to say...
darling, did the troubles of the times got to us
that we're closer to falling apart today?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Darling are you feeling
The same thing that I'm seeing
The troubles of the day
Took my breath away,
Took my breath away

Now you're no longer talking
And I'm no longer listening
There's nothing left to say
Said it anyway,
Said it anyway

And I want you not
And I need you not
I'm dying
Cos this is the saddest song I've got
The saddest song I've got

Darling are you healing
From all the scars appearing
Don't it hurt a lot
Don't know how to stop,
Don't know hot it stops

Now there's no sense in seeing
The colours of the morning
Hold the clouds at bay
Chase them all away,
Chase them all away

And I'm frozen still
Unspoken still
Heartbroken
Cos this is the saddest song I've got
The saddest song I've got...

why did you mess with forever?

i came by to get my things,
thank you for getting the door,
but i dont feel right walking in a war.
do you think it's cool?
i did my cyring at home.
but i'm lone now, i'm lone like before.
i'm on my way, i have one more thing to ask.
was it worth the price you paid for me never coming back?
why did you mess with forever?
such a long time to be unkind.
why did you mess with forever?
dont you call me cruel,
cruel's what you're making me do.
stick to my rooms, i'm at odds with me now.
so stay, don't go ahead, and stay before i'm on my way
i have one more thing to ask.
was it worth the price you paid for me never coming back?
why did you mess with forever?
such a long time to be unkind.
why did you mess with forever?
you asked to kiss me once goodbye
well, you already did on somebody else's lips.
till the time the killer calls, the one's you hold responsible.
they lost me , you lost me.
everything inside me tells me i should run to you
and throw my arms around you.
hold your stealin crying cheek against mine and
tell you nothings wrong.
but alone was what you were when you forgot

we were goin on,
why did you mess with forever?
what a long time to be unkind.
why did you mess with forever?

all i want is YOU

you dont need to make silly promises... or to try to make me feel special... you did that already just by being with me... truth is, all i want is YOU...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
You say you want
Your story to remain untold

But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You say you’ll give me
A highway with no one on it
Treasure just to look upon it
All the riches in the night

You say you’ll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest
But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You say you want
Your love to work out right
To last with me through the night

You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
Your story to remain untold
Your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You...all I want is...
You

if i remain in you

If you forget me I want you to know one thing.

You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals, were little boats
that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me,
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart
where I have roots, remember that on that day,
at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots
will set off to seek another land.

But if each day, each hour, you feel that
you are destined for me with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

No, never leaving mine...

free when you want me...

for all you hopefuls out there --- wantin to be with that special somebody but takin the time and respectin the person to choose

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

six numbers, one more to dial
before I'm before you
I tried to call
been busy all night
gave up waiting at daylight

excuse me Mrs. Busybody
could you pencil me in when you can
though we both know that the worst part about it
is I would be free when you wanted me
if you wanted me

I am the man on the side
hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
life as the man on the side

one of the many
one of the few
to stand back and wait for you

excuse me Mrs. Busybody
could you pencil me in when you can
though we both know that the worst part about it
is I would be free when you wanted me
if you wanted me, if you wanted me

I am the man on the side
hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
Life as the man on the side
Life as the man on the side

I fell in love with the dream that I built of you
playing the part of the queen
taking my own advice
I'm giving up tonight
good luck to you and the king

excuse me Mrs. Busybody
could you pencil me in
though we both know that the worst part about it
is I would be free when you wanted me
if you wanted me, if you wanted me

I am the man on the side
hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
life as the man
you know life as the man
living life as the man on the side

to where you are...

Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be (? )
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
’cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

I know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

always being there...

words can only bear smoked reflections
of what we really long to say
in intimate moments, in close situations
in spaces no found within everyday
we say the words our thoughts convey
to beloved ears, they hear we pray...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I swear to you,
I will always be there for you
There’s nothin’ I won’t do
I promise you
all my life I will live for you
We will make it through...

Forever
we will be together
You and me
Oh n’ when I hold ya
nothin’ can compare
With all of my heart
ya know I’ll always be right there...

I believe in us
nothin’ else could ever mean so much
You’re the one I trust...
Our time has come
we’re not two people
Now we are one
ya you’re second to none
Forever we will be together a family
The more I get to know ya nothin’ can compare
With all of my heart, ya know I’ll always be
Right there...

Forever we will be...
Together... just you and me
The more I get to know ya, the more I really care
With all of my heart ya know I’ll always be...
Ya know I really love ya
ya nothin’ can compare
For all of my life, ya know I’ll always be
Right there...

lennon's lullaby

hush now... i will sing you a lullaby =)

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

'til that final day...

Ah, the blues.
The ball and chain that is 'round every English
musician's leg.
In fact, EVERY musician's leg.
Tryin' to kick it off, baby?
No, no.
You'll just never do it.
And these are the blues of time,
And the blues of a woman,
And a man thinkin' of her
As time goes by.

There is nothin' I can do
If you leave me here to cry
There is nothin' I can do
If you leave me here to cry
You know, my love will follow you, baby,
Mmm, until the day I die

I've given you all I own;
That is one thing you cannot deny
Oh...I've given you all I own;
That is one thing you cannot deny
And my love will follow you, baby,
Yeah,
'Til the day this man dies

I've got failure all around me,
No matter how hard I try
I've got failure;
It's all around me,
No matter how hard I
Try, try
You know, my ghost will haunt you, baby,
Until the day you stop down and die
Well, you better get up
Right now, right now

Well...
You think that you have left me behind
And that with your other man you're safe
And you're away from me, baby, but uh,
One o' these days you're gonna break down and cry
Because there is no escape from this man
Because this man's love is so strong,
He's gonna haunt you
You know, my love will follow you,
Mmm, until the day I die

There is just one thing I want to tell you
before I go
I'm gonna leave it
I'm gonna leave it
Leave it up to you
So long,
baby, bye-bye
Hey, I'm gonna leave it up to you,b aby
So long,
baby, bye-bye

Well, you know my love will follow you,
Mmm, 'til the day I die
'Til the day I die

if i...

If I caught the world in a bottle
And everything was still beneath the moon
Without your love would it shine for me?
If I was smart as Aristotle
And understood the rings around the moon
What would it all matter if you loved me?

Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still
With a million dreams to fulfill
And a matter of moments until the dancing ends
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear
Not a solitary thing would I fear
Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end

If I caught the world in an hourglass
Saddled up the moon so we could ride
Until the stars grew dim, Until...

One day you’ll meet a stranger
And all the noise is silenced in the room
You’ll feel that you're close to some mystery
In the moonlight and everything shatters
You feel as if you’ve known him all your life
The world’s oldest lesson in history

Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still
With a million dreams to fulfill
And a matter of moments until the dancing ends
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear
Not a solitary thing do I fear
Except when this moment comes near the dancing’s end

Oh, if I caught the world in an hourglass
Saddled up the moon and we would ride
Until the stars grew dim
Until the time that time stands still, Until...

that ol' love...

I can feel your body
When I’m lying in bed
There’s too much confusion
Going around through my head

And it makes me so angry
To know that the flame still burns
Why can’t I get over?
When will I ever learn?

Old love, leave me alone
Old love, go on home

I can see your face
But I know that it’s not real
It’s just an illusion
Caused by how I used to feel

And it makes me so angry
To know that the flame will always burn
I’ll never get over
I know now that I’ll never learn

Old love, leave me alone
Old love, go on home...

lonely stranger...

I must be invisible;
No one knows me.
I have crawled down dead-end streets
On my hands and knees.

I was born with a ragin’ thirst,
A hunger to be free,
But I’ve learned through the years.
Don’t encourage me.

’cause I’m a lonely stranger here,
Well beyond my day.
And I don’t know what’s goin’ on,
So I’ll be on my way.

When I walk, stay behind;
Don’t get close to me,
’cause it’s sure to end in tears,
So just let me be.

Some will say that I’m no good;
Maybe I agree.
Take a look then walk away.
That’s all right with me.

running on this thing called faith

Lately I’ve been running on faith
What else can a poor boy do?
But my world will be right
When love comes over you

Lately I’ve been talking in my sleep
I can’t imagine what I’d have to say
Except my world will be right
When love comes back your way

I’ve always been
One to take each and every day
Seems like by now
I’d find a love who cares just for me

Then we’d go running on faith
All of our dreams would come true
And our world will be right
When love comes over me and you

Then we’d go running on faith
All of our dreams would come true
And our world will be right
When love comes over me and you
When love comes over you

i wish you could see me...

have you ever wondered what will it be like to have died and wanted to tell your beloved how you miss them... i had a dream i did...

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Here I am, I'm right here
Oh I wish you could feel me
Standing so close
I'm right beside you dear
I fly around this old man house
I float through our walls
I scream and I call
While I watch you without me
All I feel, all I am now
Is this love I have for you
Each night it's you
You I lay beside
Close my eyes, never to sleep
I tell you all the things I should have said
But you'll never know
How could I act such a part
As to love the one who breaks my heart
I had to go…
So put your hands here round my waist
Though you cannot feel my touch dear
And dance with me as you did before
I'm bound forever to this house
I can never go beyond that door
I dance alone
So when you think of me, smile
It's the only way that I can see
That you still care for me
Close my eyes, never to sleep
I tell you all the things I should have said
But you'll never know
How could I act such a part
As to love the one who breaks my heart
I had to go…
Here I am, I'm right here
How I wish you could see me dearOh my dear…

what YOU make me feel...

The very thought of you makes my heart sing like an April breeze on the wings of spring and you appear in all your splendor My one and only love. The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms in the hush of night while you're in my arms I feel your lips so warm and tender My one and only love. The touch of your hand is like heaven, a heaven that I've never known. The blush on your cheek whenever I speak tells me that you are my own. You fill my eager heart with such desire every kiss you give sets my soul on fire. I give myself in sweet surrender My one and only love. The blush on your cheek whenever I speak tells me that you are my own. You fill my eagle heart with such desire that every kiss you give sets my soul on fire. I give myself in sweet surrender My one and only love.

my beating heart

Be still my beating heart
It would be better to be cool
It's not time to be open just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget
Be still my beating heart
Or I'll be taken for a fool
It's not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so

I sink like a stone that's been thrown in the ocean
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion
Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart
Restore my broken dreams
Shattered like a falling glass
I'm not ready to be broken just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget

Be still my beating heart
You must learn to stand your ground
It's not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so
Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart

Never to be wrong
Never to make promises that break
It's like singing in the wind
Or writing on the surface of a lake
And I wriggle like a fish caught on dry land
Struggle to avoid any help at hand
I sink like a stone that's been thrown in the ocean
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion
Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart

naked in the eyes of Neruda

why oh why, when i see your nakedness
do i feel such awe
as to feel so much in oneness
yet alone in the raw
and as the light touches your very skin
while silently you sit in stillness
i am captured in a breathe
fixated on the loveliness...


Naked, you are simple as one of your hands,
smooth, earthy, small, transparent, round:
you have moon-lines, apple-pathways:
naked, you are slender as a naked grain of wheat.

Naked, you are blue as a night in Cuba;
you have vines and stars in your hair;
naked, you are spacious and yellow
as summer in a golden church.

Naked, you are tiny as one of your nails-
curved, subtle, rosy, till the day is born
and you withdraw to the underground world,

as if down a long tunnel of clothing and of chores:
your clear light dims, gets dressed - drops its leaves-
and becomes a naked hand again.

you in mine eyes...

i see you through mine eyes
through a world that is just my own
through the things i know
and experienced while i've grown

i see you through mine eyes
through the beauty and complexity
through the shades and the hues
that your person bring to my memory

=============================================

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summmer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

Like a beautiful smile
That fills I know why
Such a beauty won't die
It's eternity's mile
That we walk all this while

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possesion of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to thime thou grow'st;

Like a beautiful smile
That fills I know why
Such a beauty won't die
It's eternity's mile
That we walk all this while

Like a beautiful dream
That is just what it seems
We're just floating upstream
On eternity's beam
So long as men can breath, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summmer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possesion of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to thime thou grow'st;

So long as men can breath, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee

too big without you

missing someone is a terrible thing,
at night when you're alone and you're longing
the shadows on the wall
reflect the gray and coldness of fall
and in the sheets and the covers
still remain the memory of the lovers
of the warmth and comfort
of the loving and all the worth...

=================================================

Now this bed's too big without you
Cold wind blows right thru' my open door
I can't sleep with your memory
Dreaming dreams of what used to be

When she left I was cold inside
That look on my face was just pride
No regrets no love no tears
Living on my own was the least of my fears

Bed's too big without you
The bed's too big without you
The bed's too big
Without you

Since that day when you'd gone
Just had to carry on
I get thru' day but late at night
Made love to my pillow but it didn't feel right

Every day, just the same
Old rules for the same old game
All I gained was heartache
All I made was one mistake

Now the bed's too big without you
The bed's too big without you
The bed's too big
Without you

fortress around your feeble heart

Under the ruins of a walled city
Crumbling towers in beams of yellow light
No flags of truce, no cries of pity
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the fields I'd known
I recognized the walls that I once laid
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

And if I have built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Then I went off to fight some battle
That I'd invented inside my head
Away so long for years and years
You probably thought or even wished that I was dead
While the armies all are sleeping
Beneath the tattered flag we'd made
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

This prison has now become your home
A sentence you seem prepared to pay
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

four words

A king called all of his wise men and counselors together for a meeting. He addressed them and said, "I want you to go and think, read, and research. Consult the wisest and most learned men in the land. Spare no expense."

"I want you to find the ONE statement that will get me through all situations in life. Whether I am on top of the world or in the pits, find that statement."

"I don't want to learn long and complicated philosophies. I want one simple statement. Find it or write it; I don't care, just bring me the statement."

The men left and consulted for months. They finally returned and handed the King a scroll.

The King unrolled the scroll. On it was written four words.

"THIS TOO SHALL PASS"

That was it.

The wise men explained.

When you are on top of the world, that is but a fleeting moment, things change, always remember, this too shall pass.

When you are in the pits, all nights are followed by day, at your lowest moments remember also, this too shall pass.

All external circumstances and material things change.

No matter what your circumstances, remember,

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

The wise men reminded the great King that this would get him through his earthly things but the truly wise knew there were things beyond this earth and life. . .

Things that were eternal.

True wisdom they reminded the King was in the ability to recognize the fleeting temporal things of the material world from the truly eternal things.

O Great King they said, "Most of the things that you worry or gloat about are temporary and our four words apply."

For most of your situations. . .


THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

reflections 02-18-04

got home earlier afternoon around 1pm MNL time.. tired from a nights work and a day job, workin on a design project and sat in my room browsin through and old song book lyin on top of my bed... (in actuality.. so many stuff are in fact on top of my bed, mostly books and notes and sketches)... fell asleep and woke up with a certain page facing me... t'was early evening and i gotta hit work... another day (night) at the office... stood up and couldnt help but notice the page.. read it and it said :

"the past" - ray parker

I was wrong when I hurt you
But did you have to hurt me too
Did you think revenge will make it better?
I don't care about the past
I just want our love to last
There's a way to bring us back together

I must forgive you
You must forgive me too
If you wanna try to put things back the way they used to be
'Cause there's no sense in going over and over
The same things as before
So let's not bring the past back anymore

Out of all the good we had
You only keep track of the bad
Though you knew I never really loved her
Didn't anyone tell you yet
That to forgive is to forget
How can you be mad if you don't remember

I must forgive you
And you must forgive me too
It's the only thing that's left that we haven't tried to do
One thing I'm sure will work
That we haven't tried before
Let's not bring the past back anymore


...sat there for a while thinkin to myself... how pleasant would everything be if only we'd learn the essence of forgiveness... to put ourselves in the other person's shoes and ask our selves if it hurts... coz most probably the other person would feel the same thing... this aint a revelation... this is common knowledge.. yet somehow.. in our everyday routine.. we forget.. we tend not to see, not to notice, not to be aware of this basic rule...

i aint no preacher with great words to pull people into awe... i simply am being me... being quiet and listening to what our humanity tellsus...

saw the movie K-Pax... was struck by a statement there: "how do we know right from wrong if there are no laws governing it?" : -- answer... every being in the universe is aware of what right or wrong is... despite the different ideologies and concepts... it will always be -- to look at thyself in place of others and act accordingly...

how many of us have fallen victim to circumstancial situations that force us to be not the person we ought to be -- the good person that we are... and end up being hated.. being judged for simply being human enough to react in a certain fallible way... but you know what the saving grace is about... it's about learning from the situation.. it's about growing from it and continue to "become"...

alas, here i am again... facing the same pc i faced yesterday, a month ago, a year ago perhaps... what ever changes happened.. i am still, constantly learning... adapting to change... simply becoming...

reflections 02-02-04

when do we stop loving? when do we stop living?

i'm sitting here, cold office workstation, pc-glued and mind-boggled. wearin a smile and tryin with every once of me to put a smile on the people around me. yeah... yeah... they tell me i'm strong, tell me i got the juice to power a conversation into excitement. contageous giggle. intuitive thoughts... yet...from within i lay broken, seemingly beaten, badly burned.

they say human beings are attuned to mistakes, to fall, to experience one form of defeat in our miniscule live's. i guess what most people say to be true is perhaps the general notion of what the truth is... but is it really the truth? i read a book once that said " ask questions and discern the truth but dont expect for answers at once for you will never know when the answers will come, it maybe that you are already living the answers yet you still do not know it".

i am not takin this time to write about what i think of people, their experiences. i'm taking my time to put down what i have thought to myself. how i am aware that as a human being i will always be un-perfect and i will always make mistakes. and those mistakes will be to me, like clues that will help me through the journey i take.

sometimes people are too keen on making judgement on people who commit mistakes without having look
on themselves first. it was once said "he who has not sinned, let he cast the first stone". i realized that our general notion of of judgement is based on a selfcentered ideal. however, judgement should not be dealt with in that manner. for each of us, no matter how queer or normal, we all are unique. i realized that "we should judge people not by the standards we keep but by the standards they themselves have.

the obvious truth was starin me flat in my face.

we will forever be hurting each other unless we learn to look not into ourselves but outwards to each other. to reach out before we throw. i realized that, it is not me who is constantly smiling and trying to make people smile. i understood that it is the humanity in me. and i am merely an extension of that humanity.