journal 041410

today i'm starting a journal of my thoughts about my everyday experiences in the hopes that i become understood by "others" better.

why am i doing this?

well for one thing, i feel i need to have a creative outlet where i can just express my thoughts & reactions freely, without the burden of being labeled as "such" or perceived as "such". i also hope this provides me with an opportunity to further document who i am in the little everyday things that i experience... and... hopefully, be able to discern who i am and of what am i becoming. in other words, i want to give my self the ability to see "me" from outside myself... confusing? definitely... worth trying? yup.

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041410

~feeling burdened

by what? well, there's the obvious - work (or what i call the constant pursuit of cash). funny, it comes and it goes and it sure does that real quickly - i wonder if in a different world, what would it be like to totally replace the concept of money and wages and buying and selling with something else -- scifi? too weird?? twilight zone? who knows?

and then there's always the burden of emotions that i am exposed too -- worries, uncertainties, dispensibilities, what have you. one in particular is always the question of -- so what now??

after an argument - what now? after you buy something - what now? after you state your point, make a case - what now? we constantly try to explain the way we are, our weakness and our strengths and yet people still don't get what we're saying -- communication problem? barriers? 

in this age where there's a lot of mediums of technology to enable clear, close and intimate communication, why is it that we tend be understood more?

maybe we all have lost what i like to call "righteous perception" and misread or misinterpret the very meaning of straight-forward words or actions. i don't know -- maybe i have too many things in my plate... maybe i haven't let my thoughts out for sometime... i'm hoping it'll pass soon...